A monthly advice column
This month: guest columnist Sarah Silverman
I came out to my family as a gay man nearly nine years ago. While theyve become more accepting of me, they still hold out hope that Ill meet the right woman. Ive never seen a woman naked, let alone dated one. How can I avoid the dont knock it if you havent tried it argument and convince my family that Im just not into girls?
Fort Wayne, Ind.
First of all, did they not knock homosexuality before they tried it? Exactly. Theyre asking you to be open-minded so they dont have to. You can always lie and say, Mom, I had sex with a woman and it was awful! Vaginas are gross! Im glad I tried it but Im gonna stick with penis. Whats for dinner? Another idea is to adopt a baby. Once theres a baby in the picture, they dont care who youre fucking. They just want to squeeze that little tushy!
I think saffron looks so attractive in its tiny plastic cage at the supermarket, but I really have no idea what one might do with it. Any ideas?
New York, N.Y.
I had some saffron rice this very morning, and it looked so yellow and so yummy, but it tasted like a doodie flower. I kept eating it because after each bite, my eyes would glance back at the plate and Id get seduced all over again. My advice is to enjoy it in the market. Awe in its pure yellow intensity the way you may take in a painting or a gossip rag at the checkout stand. Then walk away.
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