THE BELIEVER

OCTOBER 2009

Sedaratives

A monthly advice column

This month: guest columnist LOUIS C. K.
(The editors and Mr. C. K. would like to apologize in advance for his overt and unnecessary hostility. Mr. C. K. was, by his own admission, “having a bad day.”)

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Dear Sedaratives:

Is secondhand smoke really as bad as everyone says it is?

Rebekkeh T.
San Francisco, Calif.

Dear Rebekkeh:

Very good question. Let me give you some statistics.

  1. Your name is stupid.
  2. Nobody cares what you think.
  3. I hate you.
  4. I have a pretty nice penis. It’s not huge, but it’s well sized and it’s nice. This isn’t directed at you. It’s directed at any attractive woman reading this magazine who might run into me later in her life. I’d rather advertise my penis than answer your stupid question. Idiot.

Louis

We hope you enjoy this excerpt.

To read the full piece, please purchase a copy of the magazine from The McSweeney’s Store.

Louis C. K. can be seen in the film The Invention of Lying and the NBC series Parks and Recreation. His Emmy-nominated special, Louis C. K.: Chewed Up, is available on CD and DVD.

OCTOBER 2009
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