Television theme songs are usually upbeat, often to the point of nauseous sweetness, but as our research indicates, in the 1970s, television theme songs took a uniquely depressing and melancholic turn. The six saddest are featured below. (Cheers, which premiered in 1982, is included on this list as a representative from “the long 70s.”) Today, TV theme songs are generally more uplifting.

I. Taxi (1978–83)

• THEME-SONG TITLE: “Angela”
• WRITTEN BY: Bob James
• HOW SAD: quite sad
• THEMES: lonely taxi, bridge
• REPRESENTATIVE LYRICS: The song is an instrumental.
• NOTA BENE: Tony Danza drove the taxi in the opening-credits sequence.

II. MASH (1972–83)

• THEME-SONG TITLE: “Suicide Is Painless” 
• WRITTEN BY: Johnny Mandel (music) and Mike Altman (lyrics)
• HOW SAD: very sad
• THEMES: suicide, melancholy, hopelessness, depression
• REPRESENTATIVE LYRICS: “Suicide is painless / It brings on many changes / and I can take or leave it if I please.”

III. Cheers (1982–93)

• THEME-SONG TITLE: “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”
• WRITTEN BY: Judy Hart Angelo and Gary Portnoy
• HOW SAD: incredibly sad
• THEMES: alcoholism, life disasters, death, divorce
• REPRESENTATIVE LYRICS: “Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee’s dead; / The morning’s looking bright; / And your shrink ran off to Europe, / And didn’t even write; / And your husband wants to be a girl; / Be glad there’s one place in the world / Where everybody knows your name”