March/April 2011

Sedaratives

A Monthly Advice Column

This month: guest columnist Jerry Stahl

Dear Sedaratives,
My husband has really let himself go. But now our son looks exactly like my husband looked when we got married. What should I do about all these confusing feelings about my son/husband clone?

Love,
Ophelia


Dear Ophelia,
In the words of your bro Hamlet, “Get thee to a nunnery, why wouldst thou be a breeder of sinners!” I’m not sure how exactly this relates to your question, but I was an English major, and there just aren’t a lot of life situations that let me dip into my wide-ranging stock of Shakespeare quotes. As for your son, I’m sure he’s a handsome devil, and I would simply advise: be discreet. Otherwise, to quote the bard, “As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods, they kill us for their sport.” Again, not particularly relevant. But—did I mention? I was an English major.

Jerry

We hope you enjoy this excerpt.

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Jerry Stahl is the author of six books, including the narcotic memoir Permanent Midnight (made into a movie with Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson), and I, Fatty (optioned by Johnny Depp). His latest screenplay, Hemingway & Gellhorn, will air in 2012 on HBO.


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