I was pretty upset about the foot cramp I had recently—until I recalled my uncle Fig’s surefire old cure, that is! First I soaked my foot in buttermilk overnight. The next morning I brushed it with egg whites, coated it in cornmeal, and lightly seasoned myself from toe to ankle with salt and pepper and just a touch of sage. I am legally prohibited from telling you what I did next, but perhaps we could go over it in a private medium, such as a Facebook chat. Friend me!

The point is, my foot was well on the way to recovery, all thanks to what the old-timers used to call “common sense.” I suppose an egghead in an ivory tower would refer to it as “folkways,” whereas a “new-age healer” would say “homeopathy” and charge you a million dollars for the privilege. Boy, I sure would love to see what Uncle Fig would do if he ever came face to face with some of these big-city beatniks! He’d probably give them a hug and a kiss.

He’s so nice.