A Monthly Advice Column
This month: guest columnist Jemaine Clement
The debt ceiling has me concerned. Is this something that I, as a concerned citizen and a good American, can help out with? You know, like recycling.
Dear Joe P.,
Don’t worry about the debt ceiling—it’s the debt you should worry about! You guys are really in debt, man! How did you guys get into so much debt? I thought you were rich! What the hell have you been buying? It wasn’t health care! You have more debt than when you were going to the moon! Did you blow it all on aircraft carriers or something? Did you spend it all on designer suits in the ’80s? Did you all get one each? I hope you’re not spending it on drugs! America, look me in the eye and tell me you’re not doing drugs.
Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to help with the national debt:
(1) Make sure you are paying tax in the correct bracket for your earnings.
(2) Buy locally made items. Keeping money in the country is a great help to the economy in general.
(3) Lobby your local politicians to make sure your money is being spent responsibly.
(4) Give the government 20 billion dollars.